Showing posts with label support. Show all posts
Showing posts with label support. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Temple Trip

Two Temples:
One Heart & Mind



Please join the Indiana & Kentucky FSA chapter for their
bi-annual temple trip
on Saturday, February 26th
in either the Chicago or Louisville temples.

Co-Chair Sara Hayman will be presenting this year's FSA theme "Trust in the Lord" at the Chicago temple 
while
Co-Chair Esther Edwards will be presenting this year's FSA theme at the Louisville temple.

Afterwards join us for lunch provided by LDSFS at a nearby restaurant (to be determined).
For this temple trip there will NOT be babysitting provided but your children are welcomed to come to lunch with us if you decide to trade-off with your spouse or bring your own babysitter to the temple.
(Note: The church building across from the Louisville temple is not available for babysitting as usual, due to remodeling).  

Why do we plan FSA chapter temple trips?
When we put our trust in the Lord by attending the temple as a group with one heart and one mind focused on our Heavenly Father's love that shines through adoption-- we are blessed.
Not only are we blessed individually and as a couple/family but our whole chapter, our cities and our states are blessed. 
Specifically and in general love and adoption flourish when we attend the temple as families supporting adoption. 

Please RSVP today either on this blog, by sending an email to indianafsa@gmail.com or responding to the Evite that you hopefully received previously. Thank you!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Birth Parent Fantasies

This post is in response to a comment made on the previous post asking for more information about birth parent fantasies. Hope this provides some useful information and answers questions that many people might have.


Child development research shows that most children around elementary school age, will create a "family fantasy."  For the child who has not been adopted this is just a stage, a short-term fantasy that is fun and can aide continued attachment development with parents despite disappointments and realizing those parents are not perfect or solely good.

For the child who has been adopted it is usually not "just a stage" or a short-term fantasy mainly because this fantasy is based on some actual facts--the child actually has "other" parents before the adoptive parents. The birth parent fantasies are also not as much fun for the child who has been adopted. They will often feel very conflicted about their fantasies. One reason why birth parent fantasies develop is to help protect the child from and also help the child to make sense of hard facts, such as relinquishment.  In fantasies dealing with relinquishment and abandonment the child may wish and fear at the same time his birth parents coming to reclaim him. The child who has been adopted, often wants her birth parents to want her but not to actually take her.

Another conflicting aspect about birth family fantasies is that the child is still in the developmental stage where everything and everyone is either good or bad. These fantasies may categorize birth parents as "bad" but then the conflicting aspect is what does that say about the child himself; the biological child of said "bad" parents? If the fantasy categorizes the adoptive parents as "bad" it puts conflicting thoughts on practically everything the child has ever known of family and life. Then the last option is for the child to categorize herself as "bad" and obviously this is not conducive to healthy emotional and/or identity development.

So what do we do as adoptive parents or others involved with children who have been adopted?
  • We do not encourage or discourage per se, the actual having birth parent fantasies but are to encourage the expression of the fantasies if they develop (and they most likely will develop in some form). 
  • You cannot help a child with the difficult emotional work, or the resolving of conflicting and ambiguous thoughts and circumstances or  integrate hard facts about their life story that are contained in their birth parent fantasies if you do not know what their fantasies are.
  • The fantasies can be expressed verbally but as the fantasy might have lots of conflicting and strong emotions attached to them it might be difficult for a child to just talk about them. The lifebooks can help bring about discussion of birth family fantasies safely through the use of prompts, the child's birth and adoption stories and pictures.
  • When creating a lifebook, sharing the adoption or birth story etc...be careful to neither idealize or vilify people in the story. Birth parents should not be "sacrificing saints" nor "losers"; adoptive parents should not be "rescuers" or "saviors" and the adopted child should not be "lucky" etc... One possible underlying theme is we are all humans, who make both good and bad choices and no one is solely good or bad.
  • You might encourage other forms of expression besides verbal, by having the child draw pictures of the birth parents and birth family fantasies.
  • When discussing the birth family fantasy, name emotions both the positive and the negative that the child expresses or are most likely underlying the fantasy. Again highlight that it's hard and often uncomfortable to accept people as both good and bad but it's the healthiest path.
  • Be aware of your own emotions. For example, as an adoptive parent listening to the birth family fantasy do you feel threaten? Recognize and acknowledge your emotions. Your feelings, especially if left unrecognized, can influence and even sabotage your efforts of communication with and help to your child.
  • Resist transmitting society's pressure to choose "sides" and to have loyalty to only one person/family. Having a relationship, interest or love for the birth family does not mean the child cannot or does not have relationships, interest and love for the adoptive family and vice versa.
  • Revisit the fantasy, rediscuss the birth family and other facts and details about adoption. Just because you have been using the term adoption or birth parent since the child was young doesn't mean they understand the meaning or concept. Children will usually need to come to terms, a new understanding of what it means to be adopted, at each new developmental stage.
  • Open adoption and/or sharing the facts that you have about the birth family and adoption has been shown to help discuss and ground the fantasy in reality but don't assume that this will eliminate the child's birth family fantasy all together. Many children take the facts and elaborate on them further in their fantasies. For example, one young women who knew her birth mother did not finish high school, elaborated on that fact with the belief her birth mother went to beauty school instead, just like many of the girls who dropped out in her own school did. The young woman started considering going to beauty school, too. If an adoptive parent or other individual involved with the young woman, knew of this elaboration or the fantasy, they could help her find ways to be her own person and find other ways to feel connected with her birth mother.  
This post was written using the research article: Birthparent Romances and Identity Formation in Adopted Children by Elinor Rosenberg and Thomas M. Horner.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Lifebooks

What are Lifebooks

A Lifebook is a record of a foster/adopted child’s life that uses words, photos, the child’s artwork, and memorabilia. It is like a scrapbook but provides different information and details than your average scrapbook.

Lifebook Page Ideas

  • The day you were born
  • How your parents found out about you
  • Waiting for you
  • Meeting you
  • Your birth family and/or foster family or orphanage
  • Your family tree (both families as much as possible)
  • Adoption day
  • Visits with your birth family
  • About your birth country
Lifebook Journaling Ideas
  • Dates of important events and milestones
  • Names of social workers, facilitators and agency officials
  • Locations and names of foster families and orphanages
  • Meeting birth family members or correspondence with them (if available)
  • Weather and news headlines on their adoption day and/or birthday
  • Making the decision to adopt
  • Your thoughts and feelings about the adoption process
  • Poetry and quotations about adoption
  • Foods eaten, sights seen on their day of birth or adoption day
  • Stories about traveling home
  • Details of the first days together as a family

Reasons to Make Lifebooks

Throughout the adoptee’s life, he or she will hear about the day she arrived into the family. Stories abound from that point. The child’s birth and birth family are not discussed as often, usually because the new family members lack the personal knowledge of the birth family’s story. The lifebook helps to fill that void.

Lifebooks Provide:

  • A concrete tool for meaningful conversation
  • An adoption security blanket
  • A prop to use as part of attachment rituals
  • A structure to use when discussing difficult subjects (such as reasons for relinquishment)
  • A way to normalize adoption language
  • A way to discuss fantasies about birth parents
  • A method of embedding positive messages during childhood that will be remembered during adolescence strengthening postive adoptive identity
  • An opportunity to strengthen other facets of identity such as self-esteem and positive ethnic identity
  • A method of reducing society's pressure on children to have divided loyalties between birth and adoptive families
  • A space to document future events

Examples










Recommended Books & References

Monday, November 8, 2010

Picture Books about Adoption

Last year we posted a list of picture books about adoption. This time the books are categorized to help you find the book that best fits your child's adoption needs and stage, plus additional titles. Do you want a book to help share  your child's birth and adoption journey? Do you want a book to help discuss your child's birthparents? Do you want a book to help understanding about what being an adoptive family means? Do you need a book to discuss adopting a child into your family to either biological or adoptive children? Check out these books!


Adoption Stories
Tell Me Again About the Night I was Born by Jaime Lee Curtis
How I Was Adopted by Joanna Cole
Over the Moon by Karen Katz
My Family is Forever by Nancy Carlson
The Red Thread: An Adoption Fairy Tale by Grace Lin
I Love You Like Crazy Cakes by Rose A. Lewis



Books discussing Birthparents
Forever Fingerprints by Sherrie Eldridge
The Mulberry Bird: An Adoption Story by Anne Braff Brodzinsky
Did My First Mother Love Me?: A Story for an Adopted Child by Kathryn Ann Miller
Three Names of Me by Mary Cummings
Mommy Far, Mommy Near: An Adoption Story by Carol Antoinette Peacock
Sam's Sister by Juliet C. Bond










Books about Adoptive Families
All Together Now by Anita Jeram
A Mother for Choco by Keiko Kasza
Horace by Holly Keller
Every Year on Your Birthday by Rose A. Lewis
Happy Adoption Day! by John McCutcheon
We Belong Together by Todd Parr
I Don't Have Your Eyes by Carrie A. Kitze


Books about Adopting a Younger Sibling
Ten Days and Nine Nights by Yumi Heo
My Mei Mei by Ed Young
Rebecca’s Journey Home by Brynn Olenberg Sugarman
Waiting for May by Janet Morgan Stoeke
Bringing Asha Home by Uma Krishnaswami

Most of these titles are available at local public libraries. This is just a starter list of picture books about adoption. There are many more titles available.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Complimentary Photo Session for Adoptive Families

I recently discovered this website called "Celebrating Adoption" that I'm really excited about!
A group of photographers across the nation have volunteered to give one complimentary photo shoot (waiving the session fee) for adoptive couples working on their profiles or for adoptive families with their newest addition. 

The list of the participating photographers for Indiana and Kentucky are hard to read on the actual website due to very small font size, so I have provided them here but please go to the Celebrating Adoption's website for more details and the terms, conditions and disclaimer policies.

Outreach that we can do is email these photographers and thank them for supporting adoption so generously with their time and talents. Also encourage your photographer friends to consider becoming a participating photographer.

Indiana
Jane Fritchley Photography
Jane Fritchley
Southern Indiana/Evansville

Carmel Flores Photography
Carmel Flores
Indianapolis, IN

Ferie's Fotography
Erin Medlin
Indianapolis, IN

Kristi Hibbetts Photography
Kristi Hibbetts
Fishers, IN

Tonya Marie Photograpy
Tonya Bussema
Angola, IN and Western MI

Kentucky
LZ Photography
Lisa Zanchi
Brandenburg, KY
270-422-8090

Kennedy Photography
Taran Kennedy
Somerset, KY

Erin Ivie Photography
Erin Ivie
Henderson, KY

Lizzie Loo Photography
Elizabeth Lauer
Louisville, Ky

Friday, June 12, 2009

LDS Family Services Adoption Program: Same Old Faces, New Focus


Okay despite a receding hairline and maybe a more mature and distinguished look, I hope my face is not considered old, but while some of the faces and characters in our office have not changed you will notice a new look to the face of our adoption program. Above is a picture of my great looking family. What remains the same is our programs focus on building families.

In the spring of this year LDS Family Services completed an evaluation designed to assess and potentially reshape our service programs. In conducting this evaluation welfare services and the presiding brethren were considering how we can, 1. Best meet the needs of the growing church, 2. Improve the quality of our services and 3. Better support and coordinate with priesthood leaders. As we were assigned a new commissioner over LDS Family Services, Larry Crenshaw, he set the vision for staff, viewing ourselves as “Healers of Souls”. Much discussion went into what aspects of our services were aligned with this core and thus needed to be maintained and strengthened. To help us to become stronger, quicker and leaner as an organization we also needed to release ourselves from those aspects of our services that are not at our core.

Fortunately the decision was made to continue with our adoption program and engage in means to make it the best that we can. To help us accomplish this goal our program has been reshaped in a number of areas to not only heal souls, but to build eternal families. Below are a summary of some of these changes.

Focus on the Needs of the Child – Okay this focus is nothing new, but even more so we are recommitting our efforts to the interests of children. More than the birth parents, the adoptive families or others, we hope to reorient ourselves to serving more and more of God’s precious children who need the covenants of the temple.

Specialization of Services – We will increase the quality of our services as we move from LDS Family Services program generalists to specialists. I have taken the assignment of “Adoption Supervisor” in our office allowing me to focus the majority of my time on adoption. In time we are working to add other part time or contracted workers that will focus exclusively on adoption work.

Menu Driven Approach – While in the past we have been the primary provider for every component of adoption from start to finish, we now will be looking to outsource some services and strengthen others. This will depend on local laws and the quality of community resources, but in the future this may include home studies, placements, supervisory visits and legal work. Doing so will allow us to focus even more on what we see as the most crucial aspect of adoption, the matching. We plan to improve our case work as we partner with birthparents seeking to make a tremendously important decision and coaching adoptive couples through the rapids of adoption processes and resources.

Partnerships within the Community – We will work within adoption communities drawing upon the best resources, talent and services of other agencies. As we do this we hope to offer the best services to those who walk through our doors, but we also help to support the collective synergism that will help support and preserve the practice of adoption.

Use of Technology – As part of drawing upon the best in information and resources we have just launched http://www.itsaboutlove.org/ . This site is a tremendous resource to birth parents and adoptive couples alike. As this is promoted and marketed throughout the church and internet it will be a wonderful means to strengthen adoption and place more children in covenant homes.

Families Supporting Adoption – As you can imagine the herculean task of building this program is well beyond the scope of one adoption supervisor. To accomplish this task we need the active and energetic support of a coalition of adoptive advocates such as Families Supporting Adoption. For the benefit of the many children needing covenant homes we need the put our FSA organization on steroids (or at least intensive weight training). We need to build and focus in ways that increase mentoring, training, support, advocacy and legislation for the good of children. As you visit this blog you will see an increase in activity as we align with this vision.

I hope that in reading through this you can feel of my love for adoption and excitement concerning this new program focus. I greatly love my children and am amazed and grateful for the courage and strength that it takes for birth mothers to place their children in adoptive homes. Truly few other decisions have such a tremendous impact for good in the life of a child. I appreciate your patience with some of the bumps and delays in getting to this point. I invite your full participation as we partner with the Lord in moving forward with wonderful miracle of adoption.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Special Fast on Mother's Day

We currently have many couples ready to adopt in our Indiana/Kentucky area. This Sunday we are holding a special fast that everyone is invited to participate in on behalf of these couples and the birth mothers in our area that are making decisions. We know that as we all join our faith together in fasting and prayer we will see miracles happen for the adoption work in our area.
Happy Mother's Day!!!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Purpose of FSA and this Blog

Families Supporting Adoption (FSA) is a support group for adoptive couples and families, birth mothers, and anyone whose life has been touched by adoption. The fact that you are visiting this blog pretty much means you fit into this category, so FSA is for you!!! FSA is a national organization with a local chapter here in Indiana/Kentucky. We operate by working closely with the Indianapolis LDS family services agency and the dedicated employees there.

At this point our group is very spread out, very diverse, and with varying needs and interests. Our hope in establishing this blog is to increase the communication with and participation of our FSA families. We will use this blog as a tool to share important adoption updates, provide links and access to a wealth of adoption information, and to keep our participants informed about events and activities.

Please take time to check out the resources available here, to provide feedback if you have suggestions or ideas, and to check this blog routinely for updated information. Our lives have all been so profoundly touched by adoption and this is a great place to connect with people who can appreciate in one way or another the journey your family is on!